Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
