its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize