...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
