Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize