apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
