By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
