he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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