for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My dick has a subreddit
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize