Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
