he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
