Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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