I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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