I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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