Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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