I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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