I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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