we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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