I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
