I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
