I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
