you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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