Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize