remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
