Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
