I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
