Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
