I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
