woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
