Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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