After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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