Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
