Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
