i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
