i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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