i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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