i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I need water and some morals
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize