her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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