We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
