Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
