im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
