SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize