Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Less talking, more tequila
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
