I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This couple is walking their pig around campus
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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