I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
