the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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