do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
