So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
