brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
