I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
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