You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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