Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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