Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize