Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
