You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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