The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
