dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
