she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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