you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
