I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
