The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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