my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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