I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
