I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
